I'm Blessed isn't just a saying

I have a very blessed life. When I tell people that they look at me funny and probably think something along the lines of "but your brother has had cancer twice!" But you know, he's alive and cancer free, that's more than I can say for most people and that's really sad. 

Something else that's awesome (but doesn't beat cancer survivoring obviously) is that I've had the opportunity to travel, I've been to 39 states and 4 countries (counting the U.S.A) and I'm going to London this may which is amazing to think about because I've always wanted to go there. 

The biggest thing that's happened recently is that I've gotten a job offer to be a PA for Quinn (freaking) Loftis the author of The Grey Wolf Series (so good you should go read it). That is amazing and I'm so glad I get to do this. 

Somethings in life don't go right but others do and when life doesn't go right you just have to remember the things that are and focus on those. 

God has a plan and he will use you. 

My friend died a year (almost two) ago and I was really sad and mad that she was gone because I didn't understand but if it wasn't for that happening my mom wouldn't have reached out to Quinn who was friends with my friend who died to help me go through it. If she didn't help me then I wouldn't have become her friend or babysit her kids or become her PA. 

God works in mysterious ways and we just have to trust and hold on. Because we shouldn't just be going through stuff we should be growing through the stuff we do (does that make sense?). 

-Brittney 

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas my lovies! 

I hope your Christmas is magical and everyone had a wonderful time! We just need to spend time with family and friends and remember that Jesus is the reason for the season. 

I hope your day is great and I'll try to post what I got for Christmas. 

Love you all! 

My living room decorations! ^_^ 

-Brittney 

ITS CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS 

Hope you have a great Christmas! 

My personal superhero

Life is going to suck. It is going to be hard. There will be boy drama and girl drama and family drama and life drama and health crap and your car will break down and you will break down and everything will go wrong and you just want to throw your hands up and yell "screw it all!!" But you don't. Because someone puts their hand on your shoulder and wraps you in their arms and leans your head on their shoulder and let's you cry until you have no tears left. Even if everything in their life is going wrong and even worse than yours they put it on pause to help you get through whatever you are going through. They stop the world to get you through it and it is amazing because it seems they are the only ones who can do it. They are like superheroes who job is to save people but they are even better because they are your own personal superheroes. They just care about you and no one else. I'm thankful for my personal superhero. 

 Thank you momma for always being there for me. I love you to the moon and back a thousand times.

Learning

I'm learning a lot this year. Most of the time I feel stupid because some of the stuff it is like "oh duh why did I even do that?!". Like when you write a blog post don't say certain events because even if you don't say a name you could still figure it out. And there are other sides to the story, my side isn't the same as theirs, my feelings aren't the same as theirs, but that doesn't make it any less important and I should have realized that but I didn't so I learned that. I might be mature and older than others but I'm still only 18 and I'm still learning. I wish learning wasnt so humiliating and hurtful sometimes but it is what it is. 

I don't know. I guess this post is to say I'm sorry I'm learning and if I've hurt you while learning it then I'm sorry but I'm learning and I'm learnin not to repate my mistakes. 

Xoxo Brittney 

Toxic (revised)

A toxic relationship means they are so dependent on you that they hold on so tight to the noose around your neck, not letting you jump or let you go but slowly suffocating you, just so they can make themselves someone important for a day. It is like your pain causes thirty seconds of fame and they become hungry for more fame so they hurt you more, and more, and more, and more until you have nothing left and you are just and empty husk of who you use to be. 

- Brittney

Lizzie Bennet Moment

So this happened today. I was talking to my best friend (the guy one mentioned in other posts), we shall name him New Zealand because his name is super poplar there.
Well I was talking to him about this girl I know and the post I did about love. I just happened to say "Do you read my blog?" just so he would understand everything I was talking about and he said
"

                                         

So I then tried to back track but I don't think that worked and I just hope he doesn't find this post... Or the one that has me just sitting there gushing about how great he is... Oh goodness. SIR NEW ZEALAND DO NOT FIND THIS BLOG PRETTY PLEASE! 

Eeeeeeeekkkkk. 

Okay, freak out over.

Signed, Brittney, the new Lizzie Bennet disaster in the making. 

Quiz Bowl

This Saturday I will be in my first Quiz Bowl tournament and I'm super nervous about it. I keep saying "I don't want anyone there because we will suck, cause we suck." but that isn't the right attitude to have and I know that. 

My team is new so we don't suck we are just inexperience and I have to remind myself that. I, however, am super competitive so this is a hard pill to swallow. 

I want to win, win, win, no matter what, what, what!

But sometimes that doesn't always happen and that is totally okay. (I think)

As long as we have fun and get better then it is totally worth it, right?

So from now on I'll be having a more postive outlook on things and help bring my team up in a non-"WE WIN OR YOU DIE" way ^_^

What is love?

"How do you spell love?" Piglet asked. 

"You don't spell it, you feel it." Pooh answered. 

What is love?

 Love is that warm feeling you get when you look at that one guy or girl. Love is that feeling you get when your mom hugs and says everything will be okay. Love is whatever you want it to be. 

That's great and all, but when is love really love? 

That's a great question I don't have the answer to because I've never been in love. But that doesn't stop me from having an opinion on the subject. 

Now remember, I've never dated, never kissed a guy, never been in love and only have really really liked 5 guys my whole life, so take my words however you do. 

People say you'll know love when you fall into it. That it's just something you'll know. I think that's true to a point depending on who the person is and how you choose to feel. It's like an on and off switch. You meet the person, get to know them, and somewhere along the way you make this choice to either keep liking them and fall in love at some point or to not like them and to stop it. I think, sometimes we don't know we make that choice but we still make it. So when you make the choice then you have to work for it. It won't be like a fairytale, it won't be magics butterflies and heart eyes forever. One day you may wake and say "I don't love this person anymore" and that may be true but before you make that choice ask yourself if you have really truly been working at the relationship. I think when you do all of that is when it's real love. Because in my mind love is something you fight for. 

"Well I'm in love and I want it so I'll fight for it" - says girls under 18 (basically children) 

Well good for you, you have high raging hormones! 

Now don't get me wrong, kids have strong feelings and maybe sometimes (out of the 98% of everyone else) they do fall in love. But most of those feelings that are so intense are the hormones and the intensity of being a teenager. 

You feel things more intensely at this age because your body is going crazy, and your mind is going mental trying to keep up. 

Now before I say more you must now I do not agree with dating in highschool. I will not condem you for dating or anything like that but this is what I believe in. I think there is no point to dating if you aren't going to be with that person for the rest of your life. I think that you should focus on school, family, and friends until college then you can add dating to the mix. I agree with going on a date every once in a while because you do need to figure out your preferences but serious dating is just to big of a distraction. 

When you are 13-18 (in highschool) relationships are so important because that's all you know. When you add feelings to it that makes things harder and more inteasnse. I just don't understand why you would add the extra stress of a boyfriend/girlfriend to your life when your life is already so busy with family and school. 

I don't think you can fall in love while in highschool and have it last because most of the time it doesn't. I can count on one hand the amount of people I know who dated in highschool then got married. That is great for them but I think unless God has a plan to use your dating life in highschool for something to glorify Him later then it probably won't work out. 

If you are ever in doubt just use this trick, it helps a lot: 

Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 

"Love is patient, love is kind, ect." 

Whever the word love is replace it with the persons name and see if they match up. 

Is person X, patient, kind and understanding? 

Full article with this trick here:

http://m.godvine.com/read/her-daughter-thought-she-was-in-love-until-she-inserted-her-boyfriend-s-name-in-this-bible-verse-fb-gv-951.html

Staying Strong

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

I know I should be the poster child for being strong for others since I have had to handle sibling having cancer twice, friend dying of the flu (today was her birthday btw), my aunt dying of cancer, helping friends with boy drama, family drama, and seemingly always being everyone's go to girl with their problems.
Not that I'm complaining, I'm glad people feel comfortable to come to me with their problems and God has a plan and I'm willing to follow. But I just find it so hard to be strong sometimes.

My friend, who is like my little sister, just told me she has Cronh's disease. This girl is just 14 and she has a disease that will be with her forever.

I'm not taking it well, after I confrimed with my mom what this was I started to cry. I didn't tell my friend this however. I just told her that it was terrible and I was sorry and that my papa has the same thing while my mom held me like I was five.

I'm 18, shouldn't I be able to put on a strong face and be strong for her?

She had a little freak out on me which is totally fine, she needed to get off her chest. Once she finished I told her:
"God has plan for this. I can't see it. You can't see it. No one can but He has a plan. He is in control of this situation. He has His hands on you and He will use this. Why? Because He loves you. Because you are His daughter. He will use this for something fantastic, I promise."

I totally believe that with all my heart. I talked with her a little longer then I told my best friend (the guy best friend I have mentioned in other posts) and he is praying for her as well but then he asked me how I was doing. I broke down. I said:
"She is only 14. She's 14 and she has a disease that will be with her forever. How do you always stay so strong for people? I thought I would have it down by now, but this?"
He then went on asking if he needed to stay up later and talk with me, me feeling totally embarrassed for having yet another mental breakdown on him told him it was fine, I was fine, everything was fine. He told me this, and it totally turned my world around and I'll probably remember it forever:

"Staying strong for people doesn't mean not showing or having any emotion. It's just being supportive. Don't get being supportive and being emotionless confused."

That's when I realized I had somehow convinced myself doing both at the same time for as long as I could remember was a good idea. I now see how wrong I was. Putting on a brave face in public and being supportive and then crying as soon as you are alone isn't how you deal with this stuff. You be there for the person, no matter what. You be supportive. You be the shoulder to cry on. But you need to get in your head that it is okay to be upset about it because this crap is upsetting and showing your emotions is okay.

My friend is going to be okay, I am going to be there for her but I will not be a cold emotionless robot, I will be a supportive best friend who will do everything I can for her.

"My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart he is mine forever." Psalms 73:26

Two types of tears

There are two types of tears in the world: sad tears and happy tears. Keep away the people who bring on the sad tears but keep close the people who bring on the happy tears. 

Sad tears and happy tears are both apart of life and we can't control when the sad things happen but we can control who helps us get back from those sad things and who brings us the happy tears. 

I do regret the things that brought on the sad tears because there is no point in regretting them. I'm just glad I have chosen someone in my life who helps me through the sad times and even though that person makes me cry some times at least they are happy tears because I am so thankful to have that person in my life. 

Remove the people who bring on sad tears and don't let go of the people who bring on the happy tears. You can't stop the sad tears forever but at least they get replaced for a while.  

Pray For Paris

This is a horrible terrible thing that has happened. During hard times people always say "Trust God", "lean on God" and although that is repetitive it is so so so true. Only God's power can make something out of this. Only His power can bring healing to the people of Paris and the families and friends directly effected by this. Sending hate towards the people who did this won't make this situation any better but sending God's love will. #prayforparis 

Am I even ready?

I don't mange my time well, I will be the first to admit that. 

But because of that I have a huge project due next Tuesday that I haven't even started yet.

 If I can't keep up with highschool classes how can I keep up with College classes? Yes I am going to ORU and will be in college but am I ready for that? Should I just stop and wait for college till I am ready?

 I have no idea what I'm doing with my life or school. I'm really struggling here guys. Do you have any tips or tricks for managing your time?

-Brittney

Bonfire 2015<3

Last Friday our homeschool group had a bonfire at Wild Things. It was so much fun and I got to hang out with so many of my friends and people I haven't talked to in a while. I thought I would share a few pictures of me and my super great friends! I love these people so much and I'm so glad they are apart of my life! 

Some fun things that happened:

• Got lost and left in the Corn Maze (we had to use gps to get out)

• I almost fell into the fire because I tripped 

• I almost leaned back and fell into the fire twice 

• I got to hang with a dude I haven't hung out with in a while

Braden and his buddies on top  of the tires 

Braden trying to put bunny ears on gabby 

Sam, Pete, me, Gabby, Emily 

Chris, me, gabby, Emily, Kim, Pete, Sam

Emily, me, gabby, Kim, Pete 

Emily, me, gabby 

Gabby, (my brother) Braden, me

Gabby, Braden, me

College Visits

Being 18 and a senior in highschool is super tough and intimidating but have no fear people because we will get through all of the life changing and scary decisions we have to make, I hope...

This weekend I went to an ORU college weekend and it was amazing. 

I was super scared at first because I've never driven 2 hours away from home by myself but I did it. 

I was scared I wouldn't make friends, but I did. 

I was scared that my host wouldn't like me but she did like me and her room mate was awesome (love you guys!). 

I was scared that the 'team' I was on wouldn't like me and I would be left out but that didn't happen and I became friends with everyone. 

You never know what you are going into but I'm so glad I didn't because if someone told me how great this weekend was going to turn out I would have said they were crazy because none of that cool stuff would happen to me all at once, but it did because God knows what we need and when we need it and I really needed this weekend to go well and it did. 

I didn't know where I was going to go to college but now I know I want to go to ORU. I loved the people and the classes and the professors and the campus. I love how Christ centered and focus it is, the chapel (church)  yesterday was amazing and so powerful and the worship here can't even be put into words how fantastic it is. When I worship I normally have my hands in the air and I'm bouncing on my feet because that's how I do it and normally I don't feel comfortable doing that because no one else really does that but at ORU I really felt I could be myself and just worship and praise how I do and not be judge because almost everyone is doing it like that too. It is so powerful. 

I still don't know my major but I do know that ORU is probably where I'm going to get it. So at least there is one scary, life changing decision out of the way. 

Listed below are some pictures from the weekend during the scavenger hunt where we had to pose a certain way and our team shot at the lip scynce competition. 

Me and Luc 

Us and the mystery woman we had to find 

Welcome to college life, watch your step! 

The mystery woman gave me a mug!! 

My team all serous 

My team all funny 

We won tug o war!

It has been a blast this weekend and I'm sad to go home tomorrow but I'm pretty sure I'm going to come back. ^_^

- Brittney 

ORU

I am going to ORU and I'm so very excited I just can't stand it!!

18

I'll be 18 tomorrow and I'm so excited. So in honor of me being 18 here is a list of 18 things I have learned over the years! ^_^ 

1. Trust God 

I know these seems like "no duh" but really, if you just take the time and say "Lord, I can't do this I give you this and this" 

2. Don't judge a book by its cover 

Again it seems like "no duh" but really guys. So there was this group of people I didn't like at all last year but this year I decided to give them a chance and now I'm pretty good friends with all of them. 

3. Being angry is easier than being forgiving 

Forgiving isn't easy but very necessary.  If you stay angry then you could lose friendships, I almost lost one this year because I didn't want to forgive her But once I did life got so much easier! 

4. Books over Boys 

Okay so I don't believe in dating in highschool and since I removed the boy drama from my life I have been able to focus on studies a lot more and I have been a lot happier too. 

5. Trying something new isn't bad 

I wrote a book and might get it published because I like to write and my friend said that publishing it would be fun cause she has done it. It is super scary but it is also amazing because it's new. 

6. Family is important 

Again no duh but really, you only live with your family for a certain amount of time, you can see your friends whenever. So you need to focus on your family now. 

7. Take pictures of everything 

My friend passed away last year and I don't have one picture of her and I together, i have no idea why but it's very sad to me that I don't have any pictures with her. 

8. LIFE MOTOS HELP 

My life moto is "Suck it up buttercup" because that is what my parents have told me my whole and when I'm in a tough spot that saying helps me so much 

9. Go to song 

You need a go to song for when life gets you down, mine is "Hold On Small One" by LoftLand. Whenever I'm upset I just listen to that song and I feel better 

10. BFFs can be boys or girls 

If you are a girl and your best friend is a boy don't let people teasing you and saying "do you like him? that must be the only reason you guys are so close" keep you from a friendship that could be so amazing. I have best friends who are girls but my best friend in the whole world is a guy. I always tell people that we are so close and such good friends that he will be the maid of honor at my wedding. ^_^

11. Carry a stun gun or pepper spray 

Okay. So I'm a cautious person. I almost always have my stun gun on me or pepper spray. It keeps me safe and makes me feel protected. I have noticed it makes some of my friends nervous but in the end I rather be protected and protect others than make some one comfortable. That's why when I turn 18 I'm going to start selling Damsel in Defense, it is An amazing company that I'll most likely do a blog post on soon. 

12. Be yourself 

I know, I know, DUH. But hardly anyone listens to this even tho people agree with this. I am me, if that's not good enough for you then I'm sorry but I'm not changing. If you live by that moto then you will be so much more happy and Freer than ever. 

13. Don't be afraid to say no 

I am terrible at this and normally end up stressing myself out because I take on to much. I picked up this trait from my mom. It's not really a bad trait because I love serving and helping people but you have to know where the line is on how much you can handle. 

14. It's totally okay to put you first sometimes 

I'm bad at this too, I put people before me A lot. But sometimes you need to take a break, breathe, and just relax and do something you want to do. 

15. Branch out 

I use to think Sub Anime was terrible and I never wanted to watch it. Well I finally did and that's about all I watch. I thought All Time Low (the band) was scary until I gave them A chance, now Im trying to get my gradutioning class to have "Somewhere in Neverland" as our gradution song. Trying new things and branching out can really help you reach other people and make new friends and see new things. 

16. Be outgoing

So many of my friends are super shy and I honestly don't know how to be that way because I'm a super out going person. Being outgoing has helped me make tons of friends and branch out and try new things and reach people. I don't know I just love it. 

17. Have confidence 

"You are smarter than you think

Braver than you beilive and

Stronger than you seem" (i  think that is out of order but that's okay)

You need to be sure of yourself because you are amazing and everyone else sees that so you should too. 

18. Nerdy/geeky is okay 

I'm a total nerd and geek so let me tell you it is totally okay to be who we are because we rock. With my geek knowledge of X-23 I got a free R.I.P button and some money taken off my comic books I bought. Listen, nerds and geeks rule the world so there is no shame in being us. 

College. 18. Yikes.

So this all just kinda hit me while trying to go to sleep. 

I'm going to be 18 Thursday, I'll be a leagal adult and be in charge of adult things and have super insane responsibility.  Am I even ready for that? 

I also I'm going to college at some point. I don't know where yet but I DID GET INTO ORU WHICH IS SUPER EXCITING! I also got an academic scholarship for ORU so that's insanely amazing. 

I'm either going to ORU or if I hopefully get in to North Eastern I might got there. 

It's narrowed down to those two colleges, I'm just waiting to hear back. I don't really want to apply for anymore colleges even though mom wants me too. I got into one of my top three, if I get into North Eastern and Tulsa (my other top ones) then it's just a matter of choosing. Since I'm already in one of the three I don't see the point of applying for more. Although I kinda want to apply to Harvard just to see if I get in even though I have no desire to go what so ever ^_^ . 

I don't know guys, am i even ready for college? I have to get a tutor to get me past Physics and Advanced Computers: Python  Programing so I'm very doubtful I am ready but everyone tells me I am. I also keep hearing "you won't have your parents in college so don't rely on them at all this year" and then I started to panic because I'm super close to both of my parents so we do a lot together, can I even survive without them??? I can't even braid my own hair! What am I going to do??? 

I'll tell you what I'm going to do, try to sleep, all this worrying is not good for my mental health and the stress isn't good for my face (vain I know but senior pictures are next week and I don't want bags under my eyes and mount pimple on my face). So goodnight lovelies I will write again soon. 

-Brittney 

This Blog

This blog has reached 700 pageviews! Thank you so much for getting me to this point everyone, it means the world to me. Since this blog is doing so well it made me realize that people actually like to read it so I'm going to start posting things that have a bit of meat to them.

Who can you share your story with? I can share mine with people who have gone through similar things as it and probably most girls.

"I can't share my testimony because its not good enough"

Who says it's not good enough, people or God? Because God never ever says your testimony or you are not good enough so you must have gotten that idea from people and let me tell you, you are very wrong about this. You don't have to have some horrible tragic backstory that leads to this "mountain top Jesus moment" and/or a "God intervention" where you actually heard God speak. A testimony is your life story once you've given it to God. You start from post giving your life to God, then you say how you gave your life to God, then it's what happened afterwards and what is happening now. My "Come to Jesus moment" happened at a young age at VBS, I don't have the same testimony as the girl who had abusive parents and her friend invited her to church camp and she accepted Jesus and was able to turn her and her parents life around because of Jesus' love, and let me tell you, THAT IS OKAY! God gave you the life you live for a reason, He made it to where your parents are your parents for a reason, they do the stuff they do for a reason. This all goes into your life and your testimony. 

Sharing your life lessons is really important because it might impact someone who is going through the same thing or someone's friend who is going through the same thing.

"I don't have any life lessons to share"

Like I said earlier, you might not have the same life story as the person next to you so probably won't have the same life lessons. Here is a couple I learned by just going through everyday life:
1. Trusting God is the right thing to do: I'm sure this is a big 'No duh' thing for some of you but trusting God can be super scary sometimes because we want to be in control but there are somethings you just can't control. My brother Braden got cancer when he was 4, he went into remission but relapsed at age 11. He's in remission again but those times he wasn't was so scary. I remember thinking "People hardly surive cancer once how can Braden do it twice?" I'll tell you how, God has a plan and Braden getting cancer was part of that plan. Braden can now relate to people me and you never could and God is going to use that in his life because the things we go through shape us for God's ultimate plan.

2. God works through everything, and I mean everything: My best friend and I were fighting, not over anything big just over little stuff that built up over time because she didn't talk about it because she hates confrontation and I have a bad temper once I get angry enough. Well I got angry enough and I decided to end our friendship but she wanted to meet up for lunch after church on Sunday. I agreed but didn't tell her I was planning on ending our friendship. That week all I heard people talk about was resolving conflict and at first I found it annoying but then I started praying and asking God if this is what I should really do. After a talk with my other best friend (who is super wise for being only 14), a lot of praying, I started to feel unsure about ending the friendship but I wanted to go through it anyways because I felt really done with it all. That Saturday I watched two totally different shows (Last Man Standing and Girl Meets World) and they were about resolving conflict. This was my undoing, I went to my room and opened up the bible study book you are seeing pictures of, I was catching up on the past three days I missed. That Sunday I got up and looked at my bible study again and saw it said "Restoring Broken Fellowship" I broke down into tears, did my bible study and texted my friend to look at today's bible study it really goes with what we are going through and she texted back "How does communication among fellowship (talking during small group) go with what we are going through?" I then realized when I was catching up the night before I had did one to many and  I was actually doing Monday's bible study! If God hadn't had made my life so busy that weekend to where I had to spend Saturday catching up, I probably would have ended my friendship.

Godly passion. I'm not totally sure what mine is because until this morning I hadn't really thought about it but I can tell you what my brother's is, kids. My brother loves kids so much and always plays with them and talks to them and is so amazing with them all the time. Even when he is having a bad day with his medical problems he never lashes out at kids even when they upset him. I can see my brother being a youth pastor one day. 

"I don't know what my godly passion is, does that mean I don't have one?"

No, it just means you have to ask God to show you your godly passion, that's what I did this morning, I'm just waiting for a reply. It never hurts to ask God about something/everything. Never be scared to ask Him to show you something.

We have to love like God loves and that is super hard, trust me. Did you think I wanted to love my best friend when she's hurt me over and over again? No, I didn't but God has other plans. So in my family we have a saying that I'm sure one day will be tattooed onto me, "Suck it up Buttercup". Life is tough but we have God so we just got to suck it up, love others, and trust him.

"I'm scared to share Christ, what if my friends don't like me afterwards? How do I even talk to them about if they don't know Him at all???"

You speak a language only few speak. You speak your native tongue, English, Spanish, ect. But you may also speak computers, sports, drama, music, geek, nerd, horses, math, videogames. Whatever you speak is a way you can reach people, I have friends that are dorks and I speak dork and through that we can build a relationship and then I can show them Jesus. Like I said, God has a plan. Your friend will come to Jesus either through you or the seed you plant. But if you don't share Jesus then your friend might miss the only time he/she could have heard about Him.

I hope this is your prayer today because I know it's mine. This can be tough sometimes but we have to trust God will help us through it and able to share our Faith with someone we know even though it will be hard, just pray about it, the person and for yourself before you try anything.

Thanks for reading guys.

Oh! And thank you for the 700 views!

-Brittney