Working with Authors

Okay,  so as you may or may not know, I am a PA for Quinn Loftis. I work for Quinn Loftis Books ( http://www.quinnloftisbooks.com/ ) and I work right under Quinn. Lately we have been working with other authors for newsletter swaps.

I have fangirled the entire time.

I keep having to remind myself that they are just people and I have to be professional but it's just so hard because I've met some of these people or have their books and I just love authors and reading and they write books I read and I want to be them some day and I just have a very hard time staying cool.

Last time I went to a book signing I was just Quinn's friend who came to help. Now I am her real PA who has talked to some of these author's beforehand and they know me now so instead of
"Hi, I'm Quinn's friend." it will be like
"Hi, I'm Brittney, Quinn's PA." and if we talked before they'll be like "OH Brittney, Hi!!!" and I'll most likely pass out because AH!

Being a PA is so so very cool.

I just love my job.


-Brittney

HBD QUINN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND! I love you Quinn Loftis and I'm so thankful you are in my life. I don't know what I would do without you (probably jump into the deep side of the crazy pool). You are the best role model and most amazing sister in Christ anyone could ask for. Thank you for being my friend, family, and my close friend. I love you girl ❤ 

All my troubles = ant poop

All my troubles and worries and problems are about the size of ant poop. They seem big. They all seem so important but when God is in control they aren't that big anymore. Today I've been focusing on the bad. I've been reliving the moment Braden passed out. I keep seeing it over and over in my head like it's on reply but I keep seeming to forget the part where he woke up and he's okay and everything is fine now. I keep seeming to forget the part where God is in control. Some other stuff I can't get into has happened this week as well. I'm having a hard time dealing to say the least. I talked to my friend about it and she reminded me just how in control God is. I went home and on my way home I prayed the whole way and I got home I prayed and I read my bible and just sat and listened and my phone beeped. It was from a friend I hadn't heard from since camp this past summer. She asked me to pray for her and we talked a while and I was shown how God uses me because that's something else I've been struggling with: how does God use little ol' me? 

I can talk to people. I can help them through things and that's what I did tonight. I got right where I need to be with God and I helped someone and helped me put everything else into perspective.

Just 5 Seconds

You know those crazy 5 gum commercials where it says "life happens in 5"?
Well, that happened. My life has been changed. I only applied to three colleges, ORU, NSU, and Tulsa University.

I heard back from ORU admittedly (I was in with a scholarship) and saw the campus and wanted to go there as soon as I saw it. I loved it, I loved the campus, the people, the way it felt, the professors, everything. It honestly just felt right.

I hadn't heard from any one else and I thought I was fine with that, I have my school I was going to go to and it was fine. But today I just got home and I went straight to my homework (I know, I'm a nerd) and didn't look in the mail for anything because I haven't since I said I was going to ORU but my mom came into the room at 3:14 with this big green packet and it was from NSU which I had wanted to go to for so many years. I got in and I started tearing up, I still have tears in my eyes. I don't know if they are happy tears or not yet.

All I know is five seconds before 3:14 I knew where I was going now I don't. I thought ORU was for me but NSU had been my dream when I was looking at being an optometrist. But now that I'm not I don't know what I'm going to do but I thought I could figure it out at ORU.

I'm just really confused right now.

ORU?
NSU?
Apply somewhere else?

Apparently 5 seconds changes everything.


On the topic of not knowing where I'm going, I also don't know what I'm doing.  I thought about being doctor because I love science but it is not my strongest subject. I was confused for a while on what to do because I only ever thought about being a doctor but now I'm thinking of being an editor and opening my own little company at some point where I edit books and do social media promotion things for different authors but that would mean an English degree and every makes fun of those, I've been getting a pretty hard time from my family about it but I know they don't mean anything by it.
I just don't know, if I went that route then I could do editing and writing and broadcasting books and I love doing that anyways so it seems almost natural for me, it seems like a job I could do forever and always love it.

Being the Positive

I am an imperfect person. 

I have imperfect thoughts.

I have imperfect ideas. 

I have an imperfect body. 

I have an imperfect skill.

I have imperfect days. 

I have an imperfect life. 

That is much easier to say than to accept. I am not the most perfect person in the world. I have good days and bad days. I have good thoughts and bad thoughts. Some times I'm up and some times I'm down. That's life. One of the things that helps you when your feeling not so perfect is your close friends. 

Time to play the "lets make up a story that is barely slightly close to what's going on in my life so no one gets accidentally offended or think it's about them when it's 90% of the time not" game.

 (I should really think of a better title.)

So let's say you and your friend are going to hang out with your other friends. The stuff you are all going to do is fun but you aren't super tight with that group but you'll have a blast with your friend. But then your friend says they have to cancel because they don't want to go anymore. You're disappointment that you can't spend time with your friend but then they tell you that you were one of the two positives of going. 

You aren't perfect. You're never going to be perfect. That's okay and something you will have to accept. But just because you aren't perfect doesn't mean you aren't a positive and you ask me, I much rather be positive than perfect. 

"Don't Let Go" Teaser

{New story idea? Yeah? No? Okay then..}

November 11^th 2015

“I have spent my whole life trying to die and now that I am, I have a reason to live.” Victoria whispers to Jaydan as he held her. Jayden stroked her scared covered arms and held her small form close to his chest. He never wanted to let go of her. He didn’t want to let her back into that world, a world that had only caused her pain and heart break. Victoria silently sobbed into him, whispering things between tears. I can’t do it. I can’t do this. It’s too much. I can’t handle this. I was doing well. I started eating again, I stopped hurting myself, and I found someone to help me. This just can’t be over now. It was finally going right. Victoria’s thoughts were louder than ever and they pounded against her skull but she couldn’t get the words to come out of her mouth.

“You could make it, Tori. You might not…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t want to think of her dying, of losing her. He just wanted to make everything right but he couldn’t, he couldn’t fix this, he couldn’t fix her. She tuck a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. She won’t be doing that much longer. Jayden tore his eyes away from her at the thought. He looked around the room. It was his little living room that had once felt some warm and cozy but now just felt cold, despite having the fireplace going. The sat on the love seat across from the stone fireplace. The wood floor shined against the light. The fire danced across the logs and played shadows along the olive green walls. Jayden tightened the blanket around Victoria as he stared at the picture sitting on the mantel, it was of his dad spinning his mom around after seeing her for the first time in months of being on tour. He was still in his army uniform and his mom had the biggest smile he had ever seen. Victoria may never smile like that now. Jayden thought closing his eyes. Victoria’s eyes snapped up to his face and her tears suddenly stopped. No, no, no, Jay. Just no, you can’t think like that. I can only handle one of us falling apart right now.

“Jay, stop.” Victoria’s voice pulled Jayden back to reality, as if he could truly leave it, and he realized he said his thoughts allowed. Victoria pulled back enough to look up at him, he unwilling let her move from his arms but he kept his eyes on the picture. “You have to come to grips of losing me, Jay. It is happening but it will be okay.” Victoria’s crystal blue eyes filled with tears but she blinked them back, if he couldn’t be strong for her, she would be strong for him.

“No, it is not okay, Victoria!” Jayden’s voice had more bight than he meant it to have. He closed his green eyes and took a calming breath. “I’ve never accepted it before and I won’t accepted it now. You aren’t going to die, Victoria. It just isn’t going to happen.” Jayden looked her right in the eye and she saw that he truly believed that. You really are an idiot if you think that Jay. Victoria smiled. It wasn’t a smile like his mom’s smile in the picture, her smile was small and sad and looked like it would break any moment.

“Jayden Wilson, I have cancer. I will die. You will move on. You will find someone new. That is how this is going to happen you have to accept it. But my darling,” Victoria sat all the way up and held his face in her hands. She didn’t know where these words were coming from or why she sounded so strong because on the inside she was falling apart. “You will love again and you will be fine, I promise you will. Besides, you’re a senior in high school and I’m self-destructive. This,” she gestures between them as her tears spilled over again. . “Wouldn’t have lasted long anyways.” She as giving him a clean break. He could take it, he could end it and move on. He should take it, it’s the easiest way to handle this. I don’t want easy. Jayden decided. I just want her. Jayden grasped both of her small wrists with one hand and took the back her neck with his other.

“I love you. I’m in it for the long haul. The chemo, the drama, the family, the medicine, everything. I’m in it because I love you and you cannot just push me away. Do you understand that Tori? I am yours no matter how long we have. You may never smile like my mom but I don’t need that, I just need you, okay? I just don’t want to lose you my dear. I don’t think I can do that.” Jason searched her face, seeking permission to kiss her, he didn’t wait long before he leaned in and kissed her passionately. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jayden slowed it down, just wanting to be close to her tonight.

“I love you.” They whispered between kisses. We can get through this. They thought as they held each other the rest of the night. 

Mega Diva Meltdown Moment

I like to call moments in life where you are so focused on you and what you want and so self centered in that moment, "Mega Diva Meltdown" Moments.

I, sadly, even though I'm 18 now, had one of those moments today and I was super upset and I got in my truck to drive to my eye doctor appointment and I turned on my radio and Air1 played "Hanging by a moment" by LifeHouse. That's when I realized how much of a diva I was this morning and how I had been focusing on me, myself and I. 

I hadn't been focusing on the good but the bad. So what better place to do that then my blog which has basically become my open dairy? :) 

Bad today:

1. My morning didn't go like I planned at all. 

2. Braden got upset and yelled at me. 

3. Mom is stressed and that worries me.

4. One of my classes is stressing me out. 

5. I have to go to the dentist. (I hate the dentist) 

Good today:

1. Gods plans for my day/life are way better than I could ever make. 

2. My brother is healthy and well enough to even have the energy to get mad at me. 

3. I have a mom who is comfortable enough with me that she lets me know what's going on in her life and what's effecting her and vice versa. 

4. I can afford to take good classes that help better me for my future. 

5. The dentist helps keep my teeth healthy so I will still have teath and not be old and gummy. 

Focusing on what God is doing in your life and focusing on the good, instead of the bad, not matter of trivial will always turn your day around and make things better and turn your "Mega Diva Meltdown" moment into a praising "God for all He is doing" moment!

Forgiving sucks but you need it.

"Forgiving isn't easy. It's really really hard but if God can forgive us then shouldn't we be able to forgive each other? "

That's the question I proposed to my friend. We both know this person who has hurt me in the past and after talking to my mom I realized I've been holding onto my anger so I let it go and I'm forgiving that person. My friend didn't think I should forgive that easily. When I asked why they said "because that person hurt you!" 

I wasn't going to turn our conversation into one about God. I always try to have little hints about God but I try to make sure I don't offend people so much that they refuse to talk about God altogether. But tonight I said 

"Am I a sinner? Have a done wrong to others? Yes I  have and I am. 

So does that mean I deserve to rot in Hell?" 

And my friend responded with a no and I said that they knew where I was going with it and I was right. But I told my friend that if they knew where I was going with it then let's get there. We had a long discussion about how I do deserve to rot in hell (we all do) because I'm a sinner and I've done wrong and I do wrong and I'm mean to people but I told her I wasn't going to hell because God loves me so much he sent Jesus, his only son, down here to die for my sins. I told her God forgave me for what I did. I told her to look at Micha 7:18-19 which says 

“Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people? You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love. Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!”

(Micah 7:18-19 NLT)

Like the title says, forgiving sucks but we do need it. It sucks because we are prideful creatures and saying "I forgive you" feels almost like we are saying "I was wrong to stay mad I'm sorry" and we hate to be wrong, because  we are prideful. But sometimes (A lot of times) we are wrong but it takes a big person to admit that they are wrong. I think in Christ we can become that big person because to accept Jesus we have to adimt we've been living the wrong way, adimt we were wrong to sin. But even tho we were wrong and sinned and we were a terrible person He forgave us and still forgives us. 

It's hard to forgive people but as Christians we should turn the other cheek. I don't think we can do this unless we have God with us and talk to Him all the time and say "Lord help me forgive ______, like you forgave me. Help me strive to be like you and help heal my heart over the hurt ________ has caused and help me move past it"