I'll be going to Utopia in 9 days. For those of you who do not know, Utopia is like Comic Con but a little smaller and for books. This will be my first time going. This year I will be going as:
a reader, a PA, a friend to some important people (authors, bloggers and bigger PA's ((ah!)), and someone who will be putting herself out there.
I have been looking forward to Utopia since I learned I was going but now that it's coming up, I'm so anxious that my poor friend keeps getting texts of me basically saying the same thing over and over. I'm very worried about how this will go.
I want to market books, I want that to be my job.
I want to review books.
I want to have good relationships with authors.
I want to be able to go hang with my PA and blogger buddies and make new lasting friendships.
But these little words keep running through my mind,
"What If".
"What if they don't like me?"
"What if they think I'm weird?"
"What if they don't like my fairy wings and wolf ears?" (BTW, I bought fairy wings and wolf ears)
"What if they reject me?"
"What if no one wants to hang out with me?"
"What if I can't go to the panels?"
"What if Quinn's fans don't like me?
"What if I fail at being a PA?"
"What if I hand out all of my business cards and no one contacts me for a review?"
A lot of "What Ifs" are running through my head and filling me with anxious feelings.
I've been praying to make these feelings go away and I opened my bible and this verse jumped out at me,
"I have told you this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trails and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
I don't have to worry. I don't need to let these anxious thoughts and feelings crowd in because I have Jesus. Jesus loves me and is here no matter what. He gives me peace and calms my thoughts.
I do not have to worry about anything instead pray about everything and God will take care of it in His own way.
Talking to my friend tonight I realized that going to them was fine, they really helped me but when I went to Jesus I felt peace flood into my system so quickly you would have thought the anxious feeling wasn't there.
Going to your friend can help you talk things out but going to Jesus will solve the problem.
I don't have to listen to those What Ifs because of these for sures.
God loves me, no one else matters.
God made me unique and I should be proud of the way God made me.
My fairy wings and wolf ears are awesome.
It doesn't matter if they reject me because God will never do that to me and that's all I need, the rest will fall into place.
I've already had people say they want to hang out with me so this fear is stupid.
Then I will have someone catch me up on the panel I missed, no big deal.
Again, this is a stupid fear, fans don't friend request you if they hate you so why am I worried?
Then I fail, but I try again with a new understanding of what not to do.
Then I hand out more cards and put a brighter smile on my face.
I don't have anything to worry about because this is all in God's hands, He is in control, not me.
It felt good writing a blog post again, it has been too long, my friends.
-Brittney
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