Days pass by without warning.
I'm left standing in their shadow,
wondering.
Where did they go?
Why did they leave so quickly?
What do I do now?
As graduation grows closer the sadder I feel. It's not that I'm scared to be on my own, or that I'm sad I'm leaving home. I'm sad because important people in my life won't be at graduation.
My great aunt Cathy passed away this past summer, she won't be there.
My friend Leslie passed away two years ago, she won't be there.
I have family who has had things come up so they won't be there.
I feel sad and alone and honestly it's putting me in a very emotionally vulnerable place and all sorts of thoughts and feelings are coming in because I'm upset some of my family won't be there to see me graduate, whether it is because they are no longer here, or busy, or have work. The amount of logical reasoning does not matter to my brain because people I love will not be here to support me and see me complete something insanely difficult, and with honors mind you.
When I feel super down I start not only feeling these intense feelings of sadness but I start downing myself. The stupid part of my brain tells the rest of me a bunch of ridiculous reasons why people aren't coming or why someone isn't texting me back, ect. This is something I feel like everyone can relate to which is why I'm putting it here. These moods suck and they are hard to push through but all I can say is we have to push through them. If we fall in this dark deep hole then no one will see us do great things because we are so capable of great things, no matter what the stupid part of your brain tells you.
So to get through this we need to do it in steps.
Step 1, smile. Wow! That's so easy, right? Wrong. Sometimes it takes a lot to smile and I get that so take your time and really try to bring your best smile when you are ready.
Step 2, read your Bible. I know that is such a simple thing to say but the impact it will have is so amazing. The only reason this isn't number 1 is because I wanted you to first do something you would find easy. Maybe reading The Bible isn't your thing and you find this hard to do because of something in your past, but if you go at this with an open heart and mind I promise you it will change your life.
Step 3, talk to your friend. Talking really helps. I personally hate feeling like I'm burdening someone with my issues and feel like I'm the freaking leaning tower of Pisa to them, always leaning on them for help. But I found this great person that always listens and reasures me that I'm not a burden and that him listening and helping me is what a friend is there for. A good friend can be hard to find, I know it took me 17 years(I think,we met like last year) to find my best friend, and talking to him has helped me through so much.
Step 4, pray. Talking to your friend is great but talking to God is even better. God knows what's happening, happened and what is going to happen so He, unlike your BFF, isn't wringing His hands and pacing the floor going "oh my goodness I can't believe this happening what are you going to do!!?" Instead He is sitting on His throne saying "Do not worry my child for I am here". Guys He is there for you, here for you, and will never ever leave you. You tell Him your problems. You tell Him your worries. Because believe me He will listen and He will give you peace, and He will give you answers.
I'm working through these steps every day, and it gets easier, I promise.
“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NLT
XOXO
-Brittney
“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires.”
Psalms 37:4 NLT
